Funny Quotes Greetings and Facebook Status

Laughter is one of the most significant and needed ingredients of a happy life. Sometimes we face problems; it’s a part of life. We should always be happy, because laughter always keeps us fit. Through funny quotes we can live happy and we can change others mood and make them happy. This is the right place for you if you are finding funny statuses. Read below our best collection of  funny messages. Funny facebook status quotes are everywhere but its difficult to get the top funny tumblr quotes. So we have done all efforts for you to collect cute funny sms.


  • Apple president says he is gay & Samsung president says he is more gay and waterproof J
  • When life gives you just lemons just add vodka.
  • They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
  • The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
  • Let’s have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it!
  • You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
  • I saw dad with mom last night and I think he was stealing my milk.
  • You know what would look really good on you? Its me…
  • I just Googled “what do women REALLY want?” My computer crashed.
  • Don’t follow my footsteps. I run into walls.
  • Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
  • I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.

funny funny quotes

  • The only reason people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.
  •  A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.
  • Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
  • You can’t always control who walks into your life but, you CAN control which window you throw them out of…
  • Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.
  • The road to success is always under construction.
  • If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
  • Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.
  • Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
  • There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
  • A woman is like a tea bag. She only knows her strength when put in hot water.
  • There are two ways to rule a women and nobody knows them..
  • Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
  • Kids in the backseat cause accidents…..accidents in the backseat cause kids.

Funny Quotes

  • You tell me not to lie but if I walked around telling the truth all the time, a lot of people’s feelings would be hurt.
  • Women are scientifically proven to be right even when they are wrong.
  • When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
  • When women go wrong, men go right after them.
  • If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

funny sayings quotes

  • A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s – That’s because she changes it more often.
  • I like my coffee, like i like my men, ground up and in the freezer.
  • What do you call a girl with no tits? Well you don’t call her!
  • A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
  • A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
  • A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
  • A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.
  • A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.

quotes that are funny

  • A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
  • Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
  • You can’t buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
  • Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
  • You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.